April 17th, 2002


one step forward, two steps back

my strain gage circuit magically stopped working today. shit! it's a damn op amp, I've had it together for months, what the hell happened? i know, everything happens for a reason in science, it's not really "magic", but damnit there's no reason I should be cursed. just when I was thinking I could pull this all off by monday, I lose a day or more because of this. Then I was taking out the op amp and put about four of its pins through my right index finger. That's when I decided to take a break and check my e-mail, after bandaging things the best I could. Who ever heard of an electronics injury? One that doesn't involve electrocution even! Well this one sure did bleed a lot, from many holes in my finger. I'm in pain, in case you were wondering.

Okay, about seven years ago there was this totally sweet russian girl at my church, Katya. She offered to hook a bunch of us up with pen pals back in russia so I went for it and wrote for a while to a friend of hers named Ruslan. He was terribly sweet too. Anyway, Katya went back to russia and MARRIED my pen pal about a year ago and I was totally thrilled for them because they're both just angelic. Well I just got an e-mail from my church back home saying Ruslan has been diagnosed with MS and is doing very badly. He needs $13,000 for medicine and their combined income is like $800 a month. Doctors in Russia aren't good and he's been spending more and more time in the hospital. I am so upset, I know three people now with MS and the fact is, they're all people who don't deserve it at all. True, no one deserves MS, but it seems like the ones in my life who get it are just really amazingly good people, ones you hope will be healthy and happy forever because that's how they make the people around them feel. It really upsets me, and Katya and Ruslan are such strong Christians and their e-mails back were so full of prayer requests for more faith... I'm Christian too but I just don't feel it now. What do our prayers have to do with God suddenly deciding to spring a miracle on us? He's always been the type to do what he wants regardless of how we feel, has anyone noticed that? Fine, I have no faith.
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