April 5th, 2002



It's a phenomenon, it's a disease... and most of all it's something that you can only understand if you've had it. I'm not even sure I understand it, but as I get older my confidence in identifying and dealing with it improve dramatically.

I think the big reason most people don't understand PMS is that they equate it with just being a bitch. Not so... I can be a total bitch and not have PMS. I can also get mad about something that might seem trivial to someone else without having PMS. PMS is different for everyone, but I've found a few things to be true at least for me and some close friends...
  • If I don't feel like doing anything and can't bring myself to leave my room but get really mad and hate myself for it, that's PMS.
  • If I feel uncomfortable around people at all for no apparent reason, it may be PMS.
  • If I feel gross even after taking a shower and my room gives me anxiety even after cleaning it, I probably have PMS.
  • If someone cuts me off in traffic and I shout angry words at them, that's not PMS. That's just what happens when someone cuts me off in traffic.
  • When I have the guts to tell someone stupid that they are in fact really stupid, that's not PMS, that's just me being blunt.
Basically, I don't have it all down yet, but I know I've felt like utter crap all afternoon on what should have been a good day, and it's that time. Yup. So I'm blaming PMS. This feeling I have like I'd rather not be in my body, I'd rather just melt to a glob on the floor and not exist anymore? That's not a bad mood, no, that takes a special chemistry that doesn't happen to me often enough to get used to it, it only happens... oh, every 28 days or so.

And I really, really hate it when my brain doesn't work like it's supposed to.


The best is when you help a friend take something apart for moving purposes then get home and find out all the screws and reassembly hardware are still in your left jeans pocket. ah yes...

I woke up too late this morning and was late for our 30 minute Women In Technology day. Damn! But the seven girls who came were really cool, all their Decision Maker Pros worked (even if one girl had to use some de-soldering skills, which I consider an art form really). They told us all about how they like their math classes and hate their classmates who try to look dumb to attract boys. Yeah cool girls! It's just too bad their were only seven of them. Rumor has it one of the graphics arts professors convinced our dean to cancel, I really feel like there's part of the story I'm still not getting (very likely) but I'm not sure there's anything I can do anyway.

After that, I went and tried to program my PIC microcontroller with the assembly code I spent forever writing and hex code I spent forever trying to get from my assembly code. ARHG! The programmer would only load like half my code though, it was totally frustrating. Plus, it was Friday, so very few people were around and nobody who's used our PIC writer software was anywhere to be found. DOUBLE ARGH! Then I get to talking about my lab partner about testing this thing (as if it'll ever work) and she's like, "LabView just isn't made to read multiple devices from the serial port, I don't know how we're ever going to do this." deep breath, deep breath... we've been working on this thing for almost SEVEN MONTHS and suddenly she realizes that the software we've been focusing on the whole time can't demultiplex? She was the one who wanted to use LabView because she "knows everything" about it, and suddenly she's confused by multiple devices on one signal? I just wanted to shake her... "WHAT WAS YOUR PLAN, ANYWAY?" but I can't do that because she's the only compotent person in our group.

I'm thinking my problem is that I've lied to myself about how easy this all was and took the hard parts on myself. Like, my one lab partner, the guy who we might kill, did a temperature sensor with a 0-5V DC output. That was his project. My other partner took a GPS, translated its signal from serial to TTL (this requires a single chip), transmitted it using the wireless devices that I procured, translated back to serial, and read it with pre-designed GPS software. So you're wondering, what the hell is my problem?

1) There is, apparently, no strain gage software.
2) A/D conversion is freaking impossible and there are no simple, functional devices with serial outputs.
3) I'm a moron?

So I'm sitting in the lab today with nothing coming from a PIC about to cry and my partner turns to me and says, "It's not your fault." Fine. Whatever. But to pass this course we must have an analog project component and I can't do it and everyone around me is clueless... the last thing I needed to hear from her today was that we had no software to read what I've been slaving over for two weeks. I was angry. At whom? Good question. Lots of things I guess.

Then I went back tried to eat lunch but couldn't, instead I went to Dave's and got my rum and lemonade mix to maybe make the trouble go away. I popped in Rush Hour II... I got it for Christmas and I hate to say it but it's the first time I'd really sat down and watched the whole thing. Happy surprise... there's a LotR preview on it! So that was nice. Dave came over then, he was worried. He brought chocolate and we snuggled down and watched the movie together because he'd never seen it.

but after the movie ended and the alcohol wore off, my PIC still wouldn't work, our software still wasn't right for the application, and I was still a miserable failure. I really, really want to run away.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad

you are HERE

After hating myself all afternoon for my inability to execute PIC16F877 code, I get this phone call...

*ring ring*
Me: Hello?
Voice of girl on first floor: Do you know what "cookies" are?
Me: Like, chocolate chip?
Voice: No! The kind on your computer! This website says my "cookies" are wrong and I need help!
Me: Oh, yeah. Well are you accepting them? In your options, are you set up to accept cookies?
Voice: huh?
Me: What browser are you using?
Voice: What bras am I using?
Me: What BROW-SER... are you using Netscape or Internet Explorer?
Voice: How am I supposed to know that?
Me: What program are you using to surf the internet?
Voice: um, the internet program?
another pause
Me: Never mind, I'll just come down.

To summarize: For an electronics major, I'm not all that bright and really can't do that much. For a normal person just walking on the street, I sometimes think I'm going to go very, very far in this world.

Which brings me to my next thought: if over half the population is not even as smart as I am, I'm kinda worried about society. In fact, I'm not even sure how we got this far...
  • Current Mood
    who knows?