October 7th, 2001


religion and a big green box

This is what color my desktop is today, the tiled background got too stressful once again. I think it's lovely though, yes? <td width="100" height="100"> </td>

Alright, moving on... Dave made me this really nice dinner last night - pork chops, salad, bread, wine, corn, the whole bit - I absolutely adore him at times like these. So I come over around 7, and together we help move stuff to the table and set the plates and silverware out. You have to understand how odd this is in college; usually we go to the dining hall to eat or pick up fast food somewhere or make a box of macaroni and cheese and split it together in front of the TV. So sitting down at a table in a quiet room was weird. First thing, we both get this indescribable urge to pray. It was funny because we're both thinking the exact same thing- the sit down dinner feels so family-like and we were both raised in homes where you always say a blessing before you eat, it's just kind of what happens. We finally agree to both say our own silent prayer - that's the other thing, each family has its own style, which one do we go with?

You have to understand here that neither of us are very religious. We've never had an in-depth discussion on how we feel about God, but we've talked about the cultural implications of our churches and how everything works. I've taken to actually going to church this semester, but even that feels like more of a habit than anything.

Truth is, I believe in Christian beliefs. I hate identifying myself as Christian sometimes because a few morons have given the religion a really bad name... I'm afraid someone will be like, "Oh, so you think gay people are going to burn in hell and abortion should be illegal again, huh?" No. But I have a deep-down feeling in my heart that Jesus was real, that no one could have made up a story like that and had it take effect like it has unless there was something real to back it up. See, even that makes me sound dumb; the term "Christianity" in today's society has come to mean "Check your brain at the door."

What is religion? Is it my way of life? What gets me through? Just a reflex I get sitting down to dinner? I'm in a thinking mood right now. I might edit this later and add more thoughts, I realize this makes no sense...


who should I really be mad at, though?

This is why I'm a feminist... damn culture makes me mad. Just when I think I'm okay with the whole world, I'm not going to be a full-time pro-woman psycho, this happens...

I'm working front desk duty when my friend Deb comes down saying her car won't start. It makes little almost-starting noises and quits. So she's all, "I'm such a girl when it comes to cars... think maybe it needs a jump start?" I tell her it's a possibility and offer to help out- explaining that I've never personally jump started a car before but I've seen it done, it doesn't hurt to try, and we can take care of it.

Then this random guy comes up to buy a stamp and she turns to him and explains the whole situation beginning with, "Hey, you're a guy, you know about cars!". He tells her it might be the starter, but that's it, and doesn't offer to help. I'm about to run out the door and start the damn car myself.

So then she's like, "Wait, let me call Jon, he'll know what to do!" He's not there. She calls another guy. I'm sweating. Finally she gets hold of a guy who's friends with an autotech major. He does tell her some useful information, but basically they end up JUMP STARTING HER CAR, which was what I was going to do in the first place.

She knows I'm an electronics major, she's listening to me yell at her, why does she keep calling guys down? What's wrong with this picture? She'd rather ask a random guy off the street for advice than a woman she knows to be technically oriented.

OKAY! That's my rant... I feel a LOT better now!
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