I got to telling my family about some of my recent people problems. First, I told them about wanting to kick my senior design group member out. We ended up coming to a compromise about that, he's staying on the project but getting a totally separate section and not talking to us any more. Then I pissed a friend of mine off the other night, he was driving in the dark in the rain without turning the windshield wipers on and when I asked him to, he ignored me. I asked him again, he ignored me. I told him to stop being a dickhead, he turned them on full speed and told me I should fuck myself. He called later pretending nothing happened so I brought it up because I was mad, he said he was mad because I was being a backseat driver and had already made angry comments that night, I said I was mad because I felt unsafe and didn't mind hurting his feelings a bit if it meant we'd be able to see out the damn windshield.
The he observes that I was totally willing to be a complete bitch until things were done my way. I admitted that was true, but didn't think it was so bad because frankly, my way is usually right.
Mom & Dad then both tell stories about people they've pissed off, scared off, or ran off this week. We're a family of social retards, I guess. I can't decide how I feel about this, I mean, I like people, I like helping people, but sometimes people are so damn stupid I can't take it. Then it gets to the point where I would rather have things run efficiently and logically than have everybody be happy and feel loved, I'm sorry, but when your feelings get in the way of getting things done you're of no use to me.
So I'm a coniving bitch.
Do I need to change? Do I need to be different? Why should I sacrifice noble missions just to make sure everyone is happy? I'm so frustrated with the world around me, I don't understand why everyone can't see that I'm just trying to get things done and do things right, it's not like they have a better way of doing anything, it's not like it was a pain in the ass for my friend to turn the damn windshield wipers on. I just didn't feel safe. Why am I considered a bitch for wanting to feel safe?
Mom says I should read Stephen Covey. Fine. Whatever. I'll just blend in with this stupid world that never gets anything done because everyone is so worried about everyone else's stupid feelings. Say what you will about me, I do not let my personal emotions get in the way of the world's productivity, ever, and I'm mad that I have to work with people who do.
Sorry this was so long, but that's my rant for the day, I'm sick of people whining and then turning around and making me feel like I should change because I made them whine in the first place.