Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,

  • Mood:

hate being moody

So I'm reading this book about being innovative and designing things that make the world tic better, it's all written by this guy who works at a company called IDEO, they make the coolest new things in the world, like, re-design shopping carts and laptops and Palm pilots so they'll be really cool. It's great, but it gets me thinking, "damn, I wish I was that cool! Worked at a place like that, hung out with people like that, all those things." Then I get sorta depressed again. I feel the same way reading computer books, there are all these people propelling these huge movements, and what am I doing, running Linux on my little home PC, cranking away at life getting a college degree and running several websites that aren't very popular for fun. (CHYX has 16 members... how did we get 13 in the first week and just start sucking right after that? oh well, that's another entry) </p>

So I have the typical I-wanna-be-somebody-else complex today.

It's no better than those moronic teenage girls who write fanfiction about them meeting the members of N-Sync, only I don't want to be famous, something in that never really appealed to me. I'd rather be brilliant and influential.

One of my slashdot posts got a 5 today, my karma is up to 41, so that got me kind of happy. Maybe that's as brilliant and influential as I'm supposed to be. I also got the high score in the class on our network systems exam, that made me feel smart. I'm above average, okay? I should be fine with that.

I just can't describe it, something about this world we live in, the way things work out, the future lumbering over me, all makes me feel so small and inconsequential sometimes. Is that weird?


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