Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,
Spacefem
spacefem

more transition thoughts

I volunteered to help a local high school in a state-wide robot building competition. It's a fun little thing, the kids get a team together, they're given motors and stuff, and they build a robot that has to run around and collect balls and foam noodles and rings in a certain time limit. So far I've just been to one "brainstorming" session because they do a lot in class, but I e-mail the team to see how they're all doing and stuff, that's fun.

One of the girls on the team (there are like six people) is a senior, she's the oldest. She's talking about applying to K-State next year and everything, kind of reminds me of myself except she's cooler and has friends. What blows me away is that she just doesn't look like she can be a college student next year. Like me at that age, she's skinny, in that teenage "haven't grown into my body" skinny. I get a similar vibe in the way she talks and thinks and works. It's weird, because she's the oldest and definately the most mature of everyone else, but she's a baby and it feels weird that I'm thinking that about someone who's so close to where I am on the life-stage road map. She's about to go to college. I was just in college. It feels like we should be the same. But she doesn't treat me like we're the same at all, and I don't see her that way either. I know pheonixmoon is in high school, and I don't see her as that young usually because we hang out with the same people, but this all makes me think I'd see her much differently if we came together under other circumstances.

The other weird thing that's been happening to me is the idea the I live in Wichita. I have an address, this is my home. When asked to write down my "permanant address", I keep wanting to write down my parent's address in Kansas City, because that was always the sure thing that we did in college, but it's not like that any more.

Maybe it wouldn't be so weird if I hadn't lived in the dorms all through school, that's got to be part of the reason I'm finding it hard to adjust. I guess I didn't have a transition or something? Anyway, it's not terribly stressful or anything, it's just odd, I feel out of place and sort of lost most of the time. At work, I'm way too quick to admit I don't know anything and ask questions, which is okay, but I realized I've got to stop that eventually. Everyone sees me as a kid because I see myself that way, and I don't mind it, but my whole learning track will move much faster if I jump in the adult pool and sink or swim.
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