Spacefem (spacefem) wrote,
Spacefem
spacefem

birthday in a month

My birthday is a little less than a month away which got me thinking about last year's questions... I posted an entry asking people for lj inspiration and andrewducker asked "what would you like your 41st birthday to look like?"

I didn't answer it because I was afraid to hope. I knew what my 40th birthday SHOULD have looked like - a house full of people, margaritas, music, food! but in the height of the pandemic I was afraid to even say that I wished for it, or thought it could happen for my 41st.

and now things have changed.

I am going to have friends over. we'll probably be outside, because our yard is nicer, because I spent furloughs ripping out brush and planning a fire pit. we can celebrate that, along with my birthday.

I've lost some friends. I mean, I was probably losing them anyway, I'd just eye roll when they went off on how Trump isn't so bad. But they became anti-mask assholes, too. I have realized we have nothing in common. If they can't show some basic interest in caring for people, I really can't deal with them.

We're drinking less, because we drank too much. We're spending less, because we learned how. We have better takeout connections, because we got a lot of takeout. I'm in better shape than I thought I would be. I am more peaceful and appreciative of friends than I thought I would be.

I couldn't picture what would happen in a year. I didn't believe we'd have vaccines. Deep down, I think I believed we'd all just get the virus, and I hoped I would be around. It's a miracle of privilege and science that I never got it, and now we're all vaccinated.

I couldn't predict the future at ALL and didn't want to try. And now I see that if I had tried, I wouldn't have gotten it right.
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