Went to a baby shower today after a long streak of boycotting them. Honestly I felt a little guilty for going to this one, because on the ones I skipped I didn't even send a card. Any friends who asked me why I missed it, I was dead honest: "I hate baby showers".

BECAUSE I DO HATE BABY SHOWERS. Ladies, why must we play stupid disgusting games? Why must we start up a chorus of "Awwwweeee" after every present... a pack of spit rags is not at all cute. And really, why must it be a celebration of all things pastel and baby? What the hell is the baby doing right now? Nothing! Why can't it be a celebration of powerful womanhood... am I sounding way too crazy?

I went to this one because it fit into my party rule, which is: "I will go to your 'give me stuff' party as long as it's not the first party you've ever invited me to." You'd be surprised how many showers this policy gets me out of. Engineer wives seem to think that if you've seen them out at a group dinner twice before, you're a good friend who'd love nothing more than to walk the aisles of Babies R Us for them. They'll never get me back either... I learned this early, they have babies then fall off the face of the earth, so when my baby/wedding comes along I haven't seen them in years. So I've gotten great at saying "oh gotta wash my hair that afternoon".

Regardless, this shower was still horribly painful. I went upstairs at one point and read the paper for ten minutes so I wouldn't kill myself. Opening presents was soooo sloooow and I felt forced to smile at all the things she was struggling to make up about each gift: "Oh this will come in so handy when ____..."

I almost thought about revising my party rule. Forget the "if you've given me free beer I'll go to your baby shower", I think I have to expand it to some sort of "if you'd donated an organ for me I'll go to your baby shower" or something huge like that. Free beer = I'll send a card in the mail. I can't sit through hours of these things.

If/when my own time comes, I don't see myself getting a baby shower. Yes it'll suck to buy all the stuff we need without help but I've been such a bitch about these things, it evens out. The more I think about it, it's worth it. I didn't get a bridal shower and didn't feel like I really missed it.

Someone's got to end this cycle. I cannot be the only one who hates these things... I think I'm just the most obvious/outspoken about it. I felt bad today, it's rude to go to a party then be obviously about the fact that you're not having fun. I should have really stayed home.

I bought some shares of 3M (MMM). The stock market now has my permission to go back up.

Last night we went to Oeno and sat at a random table that some people were already at and started up a conversation. Marc said he wouldn't have done that without me. He likes hanging out with people he knows, and being quiet around people he doesn't. I don't get how that works, or how he has so many friends, being like that.

We've been watching and re-watching a program we DVRed about the humboldt squid. It's scary.

I joined con_quest, and posted a picture of my shoes.

This'll sound bad, but I really feel like skipping the baby shower I was invited to today. Question... if someone is in your group of friends, but you've never hung out with them personally, do you have to go to their baby shower? I hate these things for two reasons... first, it's all talk about babies and how wonderful baby stuff is, and I beg to differ. Second, it's usually the last time I see said friend. At our wedding, there were people there whose weddings we recently attended, so it's all even. Baby showers are different because the people fall off the face of the earth and stop speaking to you after they have a baby. I already have a long list of women whose showers I attended, but who certainly won't be attending mine if I ever have one because they vanished. I'm happy for my friends who have babies, but I'm getting to the age where it's happened so much that I'm not going to kid myself about the future of our friendship.

Me and former roommate are still friends, even though she had a baby, but that's a bit different. First, she's been usually down to earth for a new mom. Second, we were really close before, not just "in the group", we lived together.

I actually don't mind buying the shower gift so much as I do sitting there listening to oohs and aahs about pastel outfits for three hours, that kind of stuff makes me want to kill myself. And if there are other pregnant women there (which there almost always are, they attract one another like magnets) I have to hear about all the physical adventures of pregnancy. If I ever want to be a mom, I really need to avoid these things, because it's all bad sounding.

I will say that I sat between three pregnant women engineers last month at a lunch and it wasn't so bad. They were all pretty cool, doing their job, holding onto reality, talking a little about baby stuff but not in scary ways. And we still talked about science and current events. This is a subject that's come up with the ladies I know in SWE now... something we really like about SWE is that we get to hang out with women, but we know where to put each other. I always felt like I was purely there for plucky comic relief when I hung out with engineer wives... like they weren't sure where to put me, I threatened their status quo where husbands are crazy geeky engineers to be laughed at and women are motherly technophobes.

wow, this entry took a turn for the crazies as soon as i started it, didn't it? I was only going to put down a line about squids.

So I'm planning a float trip and was trying to convince this one girl in our department to come on it. She's another engineer and we hung out quite a bit when I first came to Wichita, before she (dun-dun-DUN) had a baby. Anyway, now the baby is two, so when she was like, "We just can't go, there's no one to leave our daughter with" I was like, "what's this we crap? I haven't invited your husband, just you! And I'd hope that by now, he'd be capable of staying home with the kid without killing her."

"Sure he is, but cell phones don't work out there where you guys camp out, and I need to be reachable in case something happens."

like what?

she looks at me like I'm nuts. "Like, if she falls down the stairs and winds up in the hospital or something!"

"How exactly would calling you on a cell phone have any effect on that? I'm sure if she needs stitches, she'll get them, and you can find out on Monday when you get back. It's not like you're going to drive home to sew her up yourself."

It didn't work, I couldn't convince her. She just got frustrated and finally blew me off with the ever painful, "You'll understand when you're a mom" send-off.

I was about to say, "Okay fine, call me back in EIGHTEEN YEARS when you'd like a life again" but realized that'd be kind of harsh, so I just smiled and was like, okay, you don't need an excuse, if you can't go we'll understand and we'll think about you.

Am I crazy? I've noticed a pretty good work-sharing balance between spouses where I work... a kid gets sick, dad takes off or mom takes off, they share. The dads I know have a lot of concern for their kids. You don't read about it in newsweek... when it comes to balancing work and family, you only read about women struggling, not men. I see plenty of evidence that everybody struggles with the balance.

But the extracurricular activities, in particular the camping thing, are different... on our group trips, we have guys leave their kids and wives at home to go out and play all the time, but I can't get any of the wives to do it. Maybe they didn't really like camping to start with, but it seems like they're all really excited to throw their old, fun, social lives away forever to just mom it up full time. I know two-year-olds are cute, but don't we all need a weekend away?

I think she may be wrong... I'm not going to understand this when I'm a mother. I sure don't understand it now.