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Relationship Advice Of The Day

I am seriously so sick of how all the guys at work talk about their wives/girlfriends! I never hear any of them say something like, "Angie is just so fantastic, she did the nicest thing for me, I care about her so much." No, it's always, "Dude, I can't go camping this weekend, Angie's been laying into me about time and there's no way she'll let me out Saturday!" If an alien visited my office, he'd think a "wife" was some kind of monster who kept a man from doing anything fun, buying anything new, or leaving the house in general. If my boyfriend talked about me like that, I'd be pissed.

People... when you do something nice for your significant other, it should be because you care about them. Because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Not because you fear their wrath. That's not how a healthy relationship works, it should be based on mutual respect, not threats. The guy in my last example could have sounded so much cooler with a statement like this:

"No, I don't think I'll go camping with you guys this weekend. It's angie's and my anniversary and because I am a loving and devoted partner, I feel that she would appreciate my presence."

Is that so bad?

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
everydaylloyd
Jan. 20th, 2003 04:05 pm (UTC)
Wuss
I think a lot of guys don't want to be seen as wussy. Although personally I don't think there's anything 'wussy' about loving your girlfriend and wife.

Plus the whole ball-and-chain act is more of a common joke then anything. If the guy really didn't care for his wife or girlfriend he'd go camping. He's at least keeping her feelings in mind. Many people don't even get that in their relationships.

But you're right, if the guy is making decisions based on fear of his spouse/girlfriend then something is wrong with the relationship. Same is true from the women's side though...
bery
Jan. 20th, 2003 06:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Wuss
girlfriend AND wife? Eep!
brian1789
Jan. 20th, 2003 10:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Wuss
(smile) actually, my wife's off on a date with my girlfriend...
bingodoggy
Jan. 20th, 2003 04:08 pm (UTC)
it's only bad if you're: 1)immature, and 2) trying to save face and still seem macho.
axiem
Jan. 20th, 2003 04:13 pm (UTC)
Makes me glad I'm not yet married.
pres589
Jan. 20th, 2003 04:23 pm (UTC)
First off, you don't really do stuff like that. Guys that complain about how their woman type counterpart are usually with a girl that tries to control every weekend or every major time free that the guy has. Like you know who over in Louisiana. The times we have disagreed on stuff like that is when we have, for whatever reason, overbooked a time slot.

The other thing, remember that usually the arguements that explode because of this kind of thing are usually rather immature to begin with, so it never really gets any better from there. Which brings me to my last point; a lot of the time, the weekend or whatever time it is that the guy can't get out of is something he doesn't find that important, or else he wouldn't have made plans that conflicted with the girl's plans. Unless, of course, the girl breaks some new stuff out way later than he should have known about it, and he's stuck. Kind of brings us back to that bit about the whole deal usually being kind of immature.

I think these kinds of deals shows what kind of relationship it can be; I've never seen a really decent couple have many issues like that.
nanikore
Jan. 20th, 2003 04:54 pm (UTC)
"No, I don't think I'll go camping with you guys this weekend. It's angie's and my anniversary and because I am a loving and devoted partner, I feel that she would appreciate my presence."

No, not bad, but it'd come as more sincere-sounding if you leave out the "...and because I am a loving and devoted partner, I feel that she would appreciate my presence" bit at the end ;)
kart
Jan. 20th, 2003 04:59 pm (UTC)
Women complain about their husbands in the same way sometimes. Like when everybody decides to go outside the front gate to eat at our favorite place and Suzanne* says "I can't go out to lunch with everyone today. Greg's* car is in the shop and I have to pick him up and give him a ride over to the garage today."

Or for instance: "Yeah, we should go see that new exhibit at the museum on Saturday, but Greg's brother and a bunch of his** friends are coming over this weekend and we're having a big cookout."

*names have been changed to protect the innocent ;)
** note pronoun usage

So it goes both ways. People love to complain WAY more than they like to talk about how good things are. I dunno why that is, but it seems to be the general deal.
gikiski
Jan. 20th, 2003 05:31 pm (UTC)
Um...
"Dude, I can't go camping this weekend, Angie's been laying into me about time and there's no way she'll let me out Saturday!"

Translates to:

"Angie is just so fantastic, she did the nicest thing for me, I care about her so much."

Otherwise, he'd say:

"Dude, that's great! I can blow my wife's plans and just go out on Saturday with you instead!"

echthroix
Jan. 20th, 2003 09:12 pm (UTC)
Women and the Gripes...
I have to agree with Dave here, Kim. It has been, in my experience, a one or the other thing. Your girl is either really into holding your time in a jar, or she lets you do what you will, and only grows irate when you neglect her. Ashley, for instance, is the latter, but Lindsey is the former. No, that wasn't a crack, just the truth. Lindsey loves her time with her S/O. But life for ANY partner who has his watch in a vice is hell. If their woman is really that way, I can udnerstand their whining 100%. Now, do I think they need to evaluate who they're seeing? Yeah. It IS stupid. But do I understand? Of course.
ali_highland
Jan. 20th, 2003 09:39 pm (UTC)
Honesty about yopur own feelings is not always easy for us.
A female friend of mine from work once said to me, "You are so sweet, whenever you talk about Melissa you always say such positive things"
Moaning about their partners is something guys do, it is kinda a way to apologise to the pack for leaving them for a woman.
Then we growl at each other and pee against trees.
aliki
Jan. 20th, 2003 09:46 pm (UTC)
I agree with above posted comments. A lot of guys wimp out and blame their so-called controlling girlfriends/wives as an excuse for not attending something they would've have anyway. Lots of kids used it in high school, as I recall. Except they used the word "parents" instead.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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